Al Gore's
  Chinese Laundry 

I was walking through the back alleys of early 18th Century Peking the other night, minding my own business (but still looking for antique perversions and amusements), hoping to find exotic items of future value while they were still new and cheap.  Jewelry, coins, booze, flutes and the like.  Harvesting the past for future wealth.           

Through the press of merchants, opium dealers, toothless whores, and thieves rode a horse-drawn delivery wagon, destined for the back door of some front-street business. When it stopped, a door flew open.  The smells of sandalwood, soap, sweat,  and tea blew out into the crowd.  I could see inside the building, and it seemed to be a laundry:  There were several large wooden washtubs filled with hot, frothy, steaming water, and every tub had five or six people, each indistinguishable from the others, their hands in the water, scrubbing away, yelling and yammering back and forth to each other across the room, all at once.  It sounded like a Chinese turkey ranch, or a bullfrog pond on a fine Spring morning.  There were many clear conversations going on all at once, but unless you were taking part in one of them, the whole thing was a loud  incomprehensible din.  Just my kind of place.  There was an unusual, older man standing against a side wall, overseeing the operation.  When our eyes met, he smiled and nodded.  I nodded back. The whole scene was pleasantly fascinating.  

The delivery-men began unloading their cart, carrying big cloth bags and rope-tied bundles into the laundry.  The workers groaned and complained, but the mysterious man laughed, and a few seconds later everyone else was laughing too.  When the cart was empty, the men drove it off into the night.  No one bothered to close the door, so I continued to peer in, whereupon I watched a most amazing scene evolve.

In any other time or place I'd have thought the bags and bundles were filled with dirty clothes, but what poured out of them into the tubs was MONEY!  The workers dumped pounds and pounds of money into the foamy water!  There were dollars, francs, rubles, pesos, doubloons, you name it. Bag after bag, until all the money was ready to be washed.  The peculiar man started singing a happy work song, the others took it up, and the laundry soon ran like a well oiled machine.  All the water (and all the suds) turned green.  The workers' arms were stained green up to the elbows.  And, most oddly of all, even though so many different kinds of currency had gone into the brew, only one seemed to be coming out.  All the bills hanging on the clothesline were the same!  Chinese!     

The bewildered look on my face must have been pretty funny because the little older man pointed at me and laughed out loud.  He made a hand motion, pointing that I should go "around front," so I left the alley and "went around front."  Since I can't read Chinese, I had no idea what the writing on the storefront said, but I noticed a hand-painted picture on a  sign by the door.  It was a vaguely familiar dark-haired Caucasian man with a stylized Mandarin moustache and beard, wearing typical Mandarin costume.  Where had I seen him?  I was more than curious now.

Inside, much as I hoped it would be like an ancient curio shop, filled with skulls and magic potions, there were only bags of laundry (or money) on the shelves.  The man came out, a mischievous glee in his ancient Chinese eyes, and a substantial pack of clean, pressed cash in each of his old leathery hands.

"Hey Buddy!  You like money?  Sure!  You want this money?  No cost.......you just have it!  No sweat! Here!  Hahahaha!!"          

Jamming the money into my eager hands, he went on, "You give some buy power!  Do good!  Do good!"  Then he scampered off, back to manage the laundry workers.  I went home, amazed.

Only three days later, a friend flew me out west for a Democratic Party community outreach-event at a Buddhist Temple/Monastery.  I wanted to see first hand how a potential Gore administration would separate Church and State.  I got there 'way too late for anything but the final "Emperor's March" down the front steps and out onto the pavilion where the grateful monks and nuns threw millions of dollars in front of Gore's feet like rose petals (or palm fronds in front of the puffed-up political Messiah, so full of himself). Happy Democrats scurried about laughing like mad-folk, grabbing it up and shaking wads of cash at the sky (Hahahahaha!) then stuffing it into every one of their pockets.               

Now, I expected this shameless illegal money grubbing from the Leftist hypocrites, no surprises there, but I nearly fell over when I looked at Gore:  He was the Caucasian man on the sign in front of the ancient laundry!  The stylized moustache and beard were gone in this century, but it was Al Gore for sure! I thought I would pass out from shock, but the mystery wasn't quite over.  Fate had saved the ultimate surprise for last.

Out the corner of my eye I spied the little old Chinese laundry owner!!  I watched him.  He was frolicking like a silly monkey through the crowd, passing out huge clumps of cash like a clown passing out confetti at a circus. Dancing like a court jester, he was giving everyone money to throw around, creating this illegal  festival of wealth wherever he went.

He was much older, but no less energetic than the last time I saw him.  In fact, he seemed healthier, even though he was probably 250 years old.  What a strange creature.  Our eyes met, and he became even more cheerful (if that was possible).  He waved frantically and raced to my side.  Smiling widely, he said "My friend, Hello Hello, my old friend!  How you?  Okay?  Yes you okay!  Here Here!"  He pressed money into my hands again, this time it was American money, all fresh and new. "You do good, you give to Gore.  He like money, lotsa money! Very happy! Yes Yes!!"

He patted me on the shoulder, then evaporated back into the throng of joyous donors.  Now, I'm used to really weird things happening (especially in Democratic politics), but this was pretty much off the scale.  Even Charles G. Finney* would be shocked.  Al Gore laundering money over a two-and-a-half century span?  Impossible as it might seem, who could seriously doubt it?  When you stop and think about it, for the last 50 years we have seen one surreal scenario after another spill out of the Democratic closet and into the daylight.  Adultery, statutory and criminal rape, religious bribery, murder, embezzlement, deceased voters, check-kiting, postal fraud, perjury, homosexual pimpery, assault and battery, grand theft, history revised to suit the Left, race-baiting, a holocaust of abortion worse than the Nazi murders and the Children's Crusades put together, the harvesting and sale of aborted babies' inner organs (and arms, legs, eyes, brains, lips, ears too) for the Liberal science-fiction called 'fetal tissue research,' quotas and restrictions by race and gender for employment and college placement, plagiarism, forgery, phony land deals, witness tampering, conspiracy, libel and slander, conflicts of interest, lies, identity politics, hostility, hate-mongering, Political Correctness,  racial and gender demagoguery of the lowest and worst order, tax rates bordering on fifty percent, moral relativism and organized loathing of traditional Protestant Christianity, gay bathhouses and AIDS, gay marriages on television, sacramental desecration, drug and alcohol addiction, libertine pursuits, Ebonics, gangs, teen murderers, public housing, a permanently poor underclass, race warfare, gender warfare, class warfare, virulent hatred of corporations, hatred of achievement, sit-ins, love-ins, selective outrage, finger-pointing, class-envy, gender-envy, income-envy, celebrity treason, information-pool treason (news-treason), race riots, welfare, drive-by shootings, labor union corruption, skyrocketing divorce rates, rampant adolescent suicide, lesbian incest classes at Harvard, masturbation classes in grade schools, Christians cooked at Waco, fellatio in the Oval Office, monstrous Orwellian lies and double-speak from the President's advisors and defenders, patterned homicides disguised as suicides, endless attacks on the Bill Of Rights, Democracy replaced with Socialism, Liberals spitting on Veterans, Victimology, students taking control of college buildings, name-calling, rope-a-dope politics, racial animosity and acrimony practiced and preached by phony Liberal clergymen, nuclear secrets given freely and openly to countries hostile to America, demonizing of the achiever class, midnight basketball (rife with gambling on the games, intimidation of players, and outright killings) masquerading as crime prevention, cable TV in prisons, military personnel on food-stamps, illegal immigrants by the millions hidden in a vast Hispanic underground of relatives and sympathizers, Leftist social engineering causing one catastrophe after another, Feminists shrieking about (and swinging their fists at) the evils of white men and Capitalism, just to name a few other atrocities (out of thousands) committed by the Democrats.  Why would Al Gore be any different?  He's one of them.  A criminal.       

Flabbergasted and disgusted, I just wanted to get away.  There was a Zen picture pool near the main gate, and considering that I was carrying laundered money away from the greedy Democrats, I threw the cash into the water so I didn't get either arrested or mugged.  Instantly the bills began to "fizz," and there appeared a green cloud in the water.  Disregarding my own safety, I reached into that green cloud and pulled out some of the  money.  The American appearance had melted away, and it was clearly all Chinese money underneath.          

"Hey You!! That's our money!  Keep your evil white male hands off it!!"   

Several robed, zombie-like girls from the Liberal Anti-Life Teen Brigade (known too as the Liber-Teens) were running toward me with slaughter in their eyes.  I threw the money up in the air and bolted to the chopper.  A minute later I was half a mile away, panting and terrified, but alive.  My friend laughed at me all the way home. "You.....scared off by a few Liberals;  tsk, tsk.....poo," he teased.          

But I wasn't frightened for myself.  Democrats have been corrupt , selling this nation down the drain for their own benefit and getting away with it for more than two centuries.  The Democratic Party is a criminal empire, and Al Gore is second-in-command.  He's solicited illegal hard-money campaign funds from his office in the White House, and he's taken illegal, laundered Chinese cash from a Church where they shredded the records of transfer to avoid prosecution.  Everyone knew exactly what they were doing.  

   Wake up Ladies and Gentlemen!              

        AL GORE IS A CRIMINAL, FOLKS.

It doesn't make a whit of difference that he gave the money back, or that he's promised never to do it again, or that there's "No Controlling Legal Authority" over his illegal actions, or that his high-placed crony at the Justice Department, Janet "The Butcher of Waco" Reno says there's no hard evidence with which to build a case against him.  At the very least,  Al Gore asked for campaign money from his office on Government property and he took prohibited foreign money that was illegally  laundered through a religious institution.  There are no excuses to be made, no legal hairs to be split.         

Al Gore is a CRIMINAL.  He belongs in JAIL.  And anyone who ignores his guilt is an accessory after the fact.  Think about that when you go into the voting booth.  Do you really want to vote for a Chinese Mafioso?                        

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*Charles G. Finney wrote the superb little allegorical novel "The Circus of Dr. Lao."   

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