Season's Greetings!

      My Dear Liberal Friend and Comrade, I wish you a Merry Christmas from the Great Beyond!

     Our Cause is doing well in America, we give more gifts to more people than ever.  We take from each according to his means, and give to each according to his needs.  Rates of taxation for the evil middle class have never been higher, and millions of our noble progressive brothers and sisters stand in line to reap the rewards of our benevolent redistribution.  

       Across the world, our efforts (handily disguised as "Third Way Socialism"), have brought many European leaders over to our side in the battle against Free Enterprise (and its cancerous step-child, Profit-Taking).  Wherever I look, the Capitalists are on the run, harangued and taxed into oblivion.  Like the royalty of old, we will inevitably round up the International Businessmen and destroy them and their families. 

      And so I, the greatest Father Christmas of all time, creator of the "Government as Santa Claus" pattern that today's leaders embrace, do hereby proclaim, "Let the Good Times Roll!!  Let the Giveaways Grow!!  Merry Christmas!!  Ho Ho Ho!!!"            

-- "Santa" Karl Marx              

  So many of you have been so good that ALL of you will get presents this year!  Special Gifts that will help you in our great common cause.       

        To my happy warrior, Harold Ickes Jr., I will give a new kidney to replace the one he lost battling the police, trying to overturn the American way of life.  I hope the new kidney will process all the leftover bile that currently collects in his brain and spills out of his mouth.

        To my most noble partner in Communism, Hillary Rodham Clinton, I will give another 40 lbs. of cottage cheese to jam down into the seat of her pants.  This will make her ugly, horrid ass even BIGGER than it is now.  As her humiliation grows, so grows her popularity among all our Liberal sisters in the struggle.  Hillary is my greatest helper.  (I gave Tony Blair 40 lbs. of cottage cheese for the seat of his pants, and look at what he did, he disenfranchised more than 500 evil "Lords" from the government.  'Way to go, Comrade!)  

        To the best revolutionary fanatic of all time, James Carville, I will give a great big iron Hammer and a sharp stainless steel Sickle.  Armed with these weapons, he can continue to smash and slash his way across the American political landscape with the grace of an angry, hate-mongering Infant Terrible.  As long as Comrade Corporal Cue-Ball Carville continues our Crusade, I know we'll win.

To my great and wonderful ally, William (Slick Willie) "Jefferson" Blythe Clinton, I give women, women, and more women, more than ever before, thousands of women.  They're his reward for a life spent in the constant betrayal of every principle (or indeed every human being*) that his friends and comrades ever held dear.  Next year I'm going to make him Secretary General of the United Nations.      

* To Monica Lewinsky, I give a box of disposable bibs, and a coupon (signed by Kate Michelman and Patricia Ireland) for 50% off her next abortion.  

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