Our Eternal Hero
                   
              Defender of the Constitution 

 Wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black stocking hat, he crouched in the open door of the quiet airplane as it flew through the night sky over the Japanese POW camp, waiting for the silent go-ahead.  His face was covered with black camouflage paint, in his left hand was his only weapon, a knife.  It's flat black blade was razor sharp.  His mission too was razor sharp:  Take over the camp then liberate the women and children from the cruel grip of the sadistic guards. 

There was no shred of fear (or thought of personal safety) in his heart.  When he felt the double tap on his shoulder, he put the knife between his teeth and leapt out into the night. 

His black parachute opened at 200 feet.  He drifted noiselessly down into the middle of the Camp of Evil.  Invisible and silent, he moved quickly, killing the enemy (officers and guards) inside a half hour.  He lit the courtyard lights, then rang the Assembly Bell.  Sleepy and curious, the missionaries and students filed out to find their captors gone!  Suddenly, they were free!  They cheered and hugged each other.     

One pretty young teacher recognized this brave hero from a picture in her mother's World War One Liberation photo album.  It was the same man who saved France from the Kaiser!  He was still young and handsome!  She ran up to him, cooing gratefully, "Oooo, Sleek Weellie! You haff save us again!  Let me give myself to you!!"  She hung on his arm and looked lovingly into his eyes. 

He smiled and said, "Why, thank yuh, lil'missie...."          

 It was 2 a.m., but his night-trained senses could easily perceive the frightened refugees on the North Korean riverbank.  They were huddled, cold, waiting for a miracle.  He slipped his inflated raft into the dark water and paddled silently into enemy territory.       

Giving a secret signal (the old construction worker's wolf-whistle), he threw two more rafts up on shore.  He whispered his sharp orders, "Men and children in these two rafts!  All you women, come with me!"             

The pretty girls giggled and got in with him. Then they rowed out into the middle of the river, where they delayed for about an hour.                              

Nine months later, all the girls delivered half-American, half-Korean boys.

From the birth of our nation in 1776, and through every subsequent war (the war of 1812, the Spanish American war, etc) and conflicts known as "police actions" (like Viet Nam, Kuwait, Haiti, Eastern Europe, etc), our noble President, William Jefferson "Slick Willie" Blythe-Clinton has been there, in the background, secretly doing all the dangerous work, pulling the heaviest loads, with no thought whatsoever for his own glory.         

From warning the colonists about the British invasion (then "comforting" Paul Revere's wife) to rescuing the geishas from Hiroshima; from leading Southern slave women to freedom in the North (with quite a few "stops" along the way), to liberating and "counseling" (one-on-one for weeks) Albaninian survivors of the female sex-abuse camps, the women of this world have known for centuries that Slick Willie is far more than a mere mortal man.  

Forced to hide his real identity behind the public facade of a lecherous, morally bankrupt, draft dodging, cowardly, chronic rapist-liar-sellout with the moral turpitude of an infectious spent  condom, he is (in reality) the greatest American Hero ever to live.  Like John F. Kennedy (and JFK Jr.) he's a godling among mortals, an eternal champion serving mankind behind the scenes of history.           

That's why he got a standing ovation at the United Nations.  The World appreciates his courage, even if his own countrymen don't.      

Not every hero dies in the war.  In fact, Slick Willie Clinton is more a hero than anyone who ever died in the service of this country.  He's more a "man" than a thousand veterans, living or dead.  How dare we impugn his integrity?  He's fought more battles than we can know.  All humankind is in his debt.     

Slick Willie has even rescued the very Constitution of the United States itself from the hateful hands of his detractors.  If not for his defense of "private matters," about which it's perfectly OK to lie (even in Court),  Law and Morality might have prevailed in America.  Where would he be then?        

How dare we question the Hero of the Ages?       

How dare we disrespect the greatest soldier of all time?  

We don't.  He's better than all of us put together, and it's about time we owned up to it.  All the feminists and the self-castrated Ninny-Men agree.

So, when William Jefferson Slick Willie Blythe-Clinton lays the wreath on the Tomb of the Unknowns (formerly the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier), keep in mind that he's a far better man than those pseudo-heroes he merely pretends to honor.                  

           Happy Memorial Day

         Cover (Page 1) (Page 2) (Page 3) (Page 4) (Archive)

                     Comments: keller@trilobyte-mag.com