Tomato
Aspic
Long
ago, and now far away in space, I was a janitor. One fine day I
cleaned up after a grand potluck charity dinner. All the leftovers were
half-eaten disposables, just garbage really, but on one last
table there was an untouched Tomato Aspic. A great gelatin log of
cooked tomatoes, onions, spices, courage and fortitude, it had
frightened all the diners away, much to its credit. Laying on a
big oval silver platter, undergirded by a bed of lettuce,
shredded carrot, radish rosettes, broccoli florettes, olives and parsley sprigs (like an
evil clown's collar), it was a magnificent and intimidating construction. It frightened me
too.
What to do? How to dispose of such a noble creature in a fitting manner? Not in a trash bag, it wasn't trash. It was too big to fit down the sink..........but it could fit down the toilet.
And
so it happened that the giant tomato aspic was flushed down
the drain. It fought me well, and in the end I had to push it
with a stick. I swear I heard it growl. And worse, it's eerie
adventure between time and space, existence and oblivion, wasn't over by any
means.
When
I went back into the john twenty minutes later, I found that the Tomato Aspic
was fighting it's way back to life! It had curved itself back
around the drain hole and was rising up to the surface of the water! It was
smaller, having melted a bit, but there it was, defiant, alive.
The water was red with its sacrifice, and it popped up, then floated malignantly, having defeated the very laws
of Nature. I was transfixed. It had risen from its own death. I
shook my head, rubbed my eyes, but it was still there. I thought
I would swoon. Five hypnotized minutes must have passed.
Then,
in my terror, I re-flushed once and then again, stuffing it down even more violently than
before. It never came back, but I
fretted (and dreamed) about it for days afterward. What evil had possessed it,
driven it to survive against all odds? Was it anger, perhaps a
rage against its creator? Did it resent the sewer and its
consignment thereto? Did it hate the people who rejected it? Was
its own tortured, continued life a punishment for those who had
wronged it? What if the person who made it were to make another,
and another? Could they breed in the waste? Might there
inevitably be an army of them? And what if this original aspic
came back to lead this congealed army of the damned? Would they
come up into all our toilets? Would they punish the whole
world? Could they? SHOULD they?
Like
the aspic, Liberalism is punitive. If you don't want it,
that's exactly why you should have it. If you don't want a
Gay Bathhouse in your family neighborhood, that's exactly why you
should have one. It's important that your children become
accustomed to alternate sex choices. If you don't want the wild,
lawless welfare family across the street committing crimes while
you're trying to sell your house, you're the bad guy. You should
then have more victims of your divisive attitudes around,
just to re-educate you out of your bad ideas. One of their great
slogans is "No permanent friends, no permanent enemies, just
permanent issues." When Liberals get up in the morning and
look out the window, they see a world of evil and politically
incorrect crimes that must be punished into submission, even if
they have to punish their own errant allies. No one has a right to reject
Liberalism, it'll come back again and again to set the world
straight. The world is bad, Liberalism is good. The world is
wrong, Liberalism is right. The world must be made to pay for its
evil, with even more Liberalism.
Don't
be fooled by this idea of the New Democrat either. There is no
such thing. Liberals have hidden their hatred of Freedom,
Business, Achievement, and anything Wholesome under an oily,
smarmy veneer of market-friendliness just to get back into the
power that they lost in 1994 when the electorate finally said "NO!" to their
60 year crusade to Communize America; they're trying desperately to use the
means of Capitalism to accomplish the ends of Benign International Liberal
Utopianism. Now they pretend to
encourage business and personal wealth, but it's only a political
fraud. If you're astute enough, you can see the ghost of
Karl Marx hovering over Dick Gephardt's dream of manipulating the
tax code to create a nation of employee-owned corporations, or
his plan to reduce the immigrant's citizenship waiting period from five years
to six months, inundating America's evil decadent capitalist
culture with the noble proletariat from other lands. This
is no "New" Democrat, he's more of a Third Way Sociologist Fascist than
ever. And he's their leader! They're all like
him. He and his angry band of global, world-saving redistributionists have
their eyes on our common future the way a hungry donkey looks at
an apple, or the way an ant looks at a picnic.
In
fact, Future Liberalism is perhaps the greatest threat of all,
perhaps the finest reason to stamp out their whole ideology right
now. The Liberalism of tomorrow is well-worse than we can
imagine. Gay colonies on the moon. Contraceptive abortions on the
new peace-hawk battlefields of global political correctness.
Earth-centric guilt. Galactic Environmentalism, and the evils of
inter-stellar Free Entrepreneurs. Victim-aliens, interplanetary
welfare, endangered species on other worlds. Spacebus
strikes.
Flush Liberalism now. If you must, take a stick and jam it down the toilet. Just keep the stick handy.